My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Alive.
So much puke
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
