I am puke
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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