shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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