chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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