do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
