after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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