Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
