I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I just pynch a tree in the face
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
