you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
