The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
