I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
