I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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