I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
where am i from again
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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