he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
