i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i drank out of a bidet.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize