dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
My bed smells like the plague
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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