Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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