I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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