Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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