My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
