is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
