I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
