I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
What a dumb baby whore.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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