I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
not ubering you a puppy
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
