My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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