how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
