Kiss
Puke
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
