i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.