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• (310): View more from California

  i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret

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• (760): View more from California

  I wish they had nachos that got you drunk

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• (778): View more from British Columbia

  Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.

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• (781): View more from Massachusetts

  my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about

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• 

  Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags

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• (507): View more from Minnesota

  The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."

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• (602): View more from Arizona

  literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding

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• (714): View more from California

  Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.

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  21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (415): View more from California

  My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.

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• (802): View more from Vermont

  He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.

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• (706): View more from Georgia

  She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  YOUR STATE IS STUPID

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Did you miss a turn again?

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY

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• (716): View more from New York

  How ya feelin' champ?

  (1-716): View more from New York

  Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.

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