Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin. http://tfl.nu/cawx
  Replies (3) Good night (1395) Bad night (501)
• Favorite

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (763): I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off http://tfl.nu/3u8c
  Replies (29) Good night (873) Bad night (11148)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song http://tfl.nu/g4s1
  Replies (13) Good night (3974) Bad night (574)
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex http://tfl.nu/ckcw
  Replies (33) Good night (3416) Bad night (1479)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing." http://tfl.nu/1ant
  Replies (26) Good night (6359) Bad night (707)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh... http://tfl.nu/to9x
  Replies (16) Good night (4639) Bad night (969)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night. http://tfl.nu/z8wo
  Replies (6) Good night (1919) Bad night (1021)
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up. http://tfl.nu/gycw
  Replies (4) Good night (1156) Bad night (836)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening? http://tfl.nu/furs
  Replies (18) Good night (1537) Bad night (1601)
• Favorite

  (252): View more from North Carolina

  She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (252): She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices. http://tfl.nu/1715
  Replies (2) Good night (1040) Bad night (558)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude. http://tfl.nu/yo4l
  Replies (3) Good night (541) Bad night (979)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.

  (214): View more from Texas

  SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME. (214): SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME. http://tfl.nu/sfja
  Replies (12) Good night (1094) Bad night (361)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened. http://tfl.nu/e2xg
  Replies (1) Good night (470) Bad night (352)
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday? http://tfl.nu/7wzv
  Replies (3) Good night (260) Bad night (572)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog. http://tfl.nu/uit4
  Replies (4) Good night (208) Bad night (589)

Randomize