I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
