I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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