Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
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Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
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She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
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