We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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