Texts From Last Night

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  (314): View more from Missouri

  So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.

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  (314): So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes. http://tfl.nu/wpyi
  Replies (5) Good night (830) Bad night (2327)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"

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  (202): based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat" http://tfl.nu/tv5w
  Replies (21) Good night (789) Bad night (2954)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.

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  (615): I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him. http://tfl.nu/4ib9
  Replies (30) Good night (771) Bad night (3019)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  but the lizard people decide everything anyway

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  (780): but the lizard people decide everything anyway http://tfl.nu/21qe
  Replies (27) Good night (3913) Bad night (823)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?

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  (850): Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller? http://tfl.nu/lnof
  Replies (34) Good night (1547) Bad night (4968)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog

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  (202): just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog http://tfl.nu/w6qp
  Replies (4) Good night (3480) Bad night (1074)
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  (315): View more from New York

  Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...

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  (315): Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime... http://tfl.nu/v3a6
  Replies (7) Good night (2246) Bad night (1253)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is

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  (703): Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is http://tfl.nu/4n15
  Replies (7) Good night (1337) Bad night (1040)
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  (772): View more from Florida

  So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.

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  (772): So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me. http://tfl.nu/5rwa
  Replies (12) Good night (3574) Bad night (1350)
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  (408): View more from California

  Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.

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  (408): Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked. http://tfl.nu/qje8
  Replies (8) Good night (1163) Bad night (1717)
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  (779): View more from Illinois

  Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.

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  (779): Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright. http://tfl.nu/yk6p
  Replies (8) Good night (1238) Bad night (867)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  She went to her drug test stoned.

  (636): View more from Missouri

  And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.

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  (314): She went to her drug test stoned. (636): And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it. http://tfl.nu/x7e0
  Replies (5) Good night (868) Bad night (423)
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  (260): View more from Indiana

  Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.

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  (260): Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way. http://tfl.nu/aiad
  Replies (3) Good night (465) Bad night (630)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.

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  (502): I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off. http://tfl.nu/temq
  Replies (1) Good night (476) Bad night (184)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.

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  (205): You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that. http://tfl.nu/q1q5
  Replies (5) Good night (200) Bad night (581)

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