well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
