anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
