Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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