dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
