I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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