do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
