a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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