He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
