Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
