she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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