well you can't waste a boner
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
