My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
