I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
