Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
