I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
