Are we in a gay sports bar?
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
