My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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