Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
