I wish I could punch you in the face.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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