yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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