i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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