Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
