did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
