u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
We left an ass print on the piano.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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