your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
It's blow job season.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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