..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
