You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
