just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
