I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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