i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
