Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
How does it feel to date your dad?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
