Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
