Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
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Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
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I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize