My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
