Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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