the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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